She always taught me how to pick up the pieces. She always taught me to be strong, that nothing can ever stop you. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
And she was right, and forever will be right.
My mother did not crumble after the so called love of her life left her, instead she composed herself. She picked herself up and became unstoppable. She moved forward with her life and showed me that no person can bring you down. They can rip away everything from you, tear your heart out and walk all over it, but what comes in the aftermath is up to you. You can either let them win and be defeated, or you can show them that you in fact did not ever need them. The best revenge is happiness.
It took her a few months but she bounced right back. For the first time in her life she could truly say she was free. This meant a lot to her in many ways. She was free to live how she wanted, not worrying about upsetting him. She was free from an abusive relationship, both my father and my step-dad. Her entire life she had, had toxic men but for once they were all finally gone. There was no one there to intrude on her when she was weak. She was ready to be the woman she was truly meant to be. She could blossom. She now had all the power in her hands. The world could be her oyster, as cheesy as that sounds, it was true. The limitations were gone and a woman could finally come into her own.
Sure she cried. For months I would hear her weeping in her room next door. She lost weight, as any person would going through a time of extreme stress and suffering. But as the months passed she became stronger and stronger. I could see the light coming back to her eyes, I could see my mother coming back to me.
When the cancer treatments were finally over and she was in the clear she found herself a job. She put herself out for the very first time in her life for dating. She signed up for multiple dating websites and took herself out. She said yes she could. She didn’t care. She had never had this before in her life. It was all new and for her it was all so exciting. She wasn’t looking for the next permanent relationship, she was looking to have fun. Forever the men in her life strangled the life out of her. She couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. She was stuck, but not anymore. Sure, were there a lot of busts, yes but it didn’t get to her. It was her time to learn and her time to explore. But most importantly live again.
Over these past 4 years since he left I have seen her turn into a completely different woman. She is care free and putting her happiness above anything else that’s trivial. She has learned to manage the stress of everyday life and make sure what she does is exactly what she wants to do. There is no living for another anymore, it is her heart and she plans to keep it in tact.
What I have learned from her is that no person should ever control you, and no matter what the emotional grips they have over you, you are your own person. Even when they walk away it is not the end of the world. This is a time for you to be reborn and carry on with your life. No person is worth being miserable over, especially when they have intent to hurt you. You are better than that and deserve better than that. Sometimes you need to be ripped away from your comfort zone to realize your potential. My mother was comfortable in this abusive cycle, not looking outward to see what her life could be. Then when he left and made that first decision it enabled her to push forward, to see that there is life outside of this horridness. It might have been an extreme situation but she picked herself up and is happier today because of it.
I ask her sometimes if she ever thinks about him, or misses him. She always responds with him leaving was the best thing to ever have happen to her. She doesn’t hate him, she doesn’t love him still either. She feels nothing towards this man, because he deserves nothing else from her. He took a good portion of her life and she was ready to move on.
Her life is now her own and she has learned to find healthy relationships. She is currently with the sweetest man who just enjoys her company. They have been together for a year and a half. I truly and honestly couldn’t be happier for her. She deserves to be treated right and live a life of freedom, free of abuse.
Seeing her bloom has been the most beautiful gift, and has taught me so many life lessons. She will forever be my role model.