Welcome to my first Truthful Tuesday, where I dedicate my post to telling the truth. I hope some of these truths can bring better perspective to aspects of yourself.
The truth is…
Writing this weekend’s story shares was one of the most emotional experiences I have faced with this blog so far. For me the breakup with the 5-year was a story that needed to be told before I can go further in many of my postings. I feel as if readers need a better background to understand where my blog is going. But for me personally it was so emotionally draining that it took me multiple attempts to write it. Going through detail after detail wracked my brain so hard that after about 5 minutes of writing I had to take a break. The knot in my stomach was growing each time I went back, but in my mind this post needed to be put out there.
After I had completed them and posted them I went back to read them one more time. Those two blogs are two I am extremely proud of. I feel as if writing them was very therapeutic for me. I see myself as a strong individual, that forcefully gets over things quickly mostly by blocking them out, but these posts made me remember and with that came pain. But with the pain came further healing.
It has been a few years since this all happened and I have dealt with most of the grief but writing these posts brought up more than I was expecting. I see it all as a good thing though. I see it as progress.
The truth is….
2 days after he left he changed his Facebook status to in a relationship with her and started posting pictures of everything they were doing together. After he left I lost about 20lbs in 13 days. I didn’t eat. All I did was sleep. I only dragged myself to some of my classes, ending up with low grades that semester. I was falling apart day by day and nothing could help me. I ended up in the hospital multiple times with severe chest pains, which I now attribute to dehydration and mainly heart break. I had no one in my life to talk to other than my mother, and she was being stubborn with trying to wipe him out of my memory. I needed my own time to heal and gather my thoughts. Icouldn’t be forced to move forward by anyone.
The truth is…
Moving on is the hardest, most grueling process you will ever know or face. For some moving on isn’t an option, for others it is not needed. Some may need days, other years, or others yet who need lifetimes. Eventually though through own self perseverance and strength I believe everyone has it in them to move on.
The most important part to starting this process is realizing that you are somebody. That no matter what, that person didn’t take you. You always had you. You might have been with them, changed who you seem to be, but when they leave you are still you. You might be bruised and broken, and shattered into a thousand pieces, but piece by piece you can rebuild yourself.
It took almost 2 years for me to get to where I am now. I am over him and what he did to me. I have grown significantly in the time since he has left. I am finally able to say I am proud of myself for standing on my own, for figuring out who I really am as a person, not who I was with him.
It takes time, serious, hard, time. But one day you will come out the other side better than you ever expected.