Ever since I could remember I was sick in some way shape or form. It all started when I was in 3rd grade and only progressed from there. Every few years a new diagnosis was given and the list grew on the thousands of reasons wrong with me. Because of that I have always identified myself as disabled, someone who is living with chronic illnesses that impairs their quality of life. The term has many different interpretations depending on who you are asking, but that is what it means to me. Life was a struggle day in and day out. You never knew what the day would bring or what drama would occur because of your illnesses. Surprises rested around every corner, and typically not good ones.
On top of the many medical conditions I was struggling with I was also dealing with an abusive household. When I was 2 years old my mother divorced my father, and it was for all the right reasons. Drugs, abuse, alcoholism, you name it and that was my father. The marriage was toxic and my mom needed a way out for her and her new child. For the longest time my father had every other weekend visitation, but that all changed when I was 12 and everything went downhill. My father was in a bicycling accident and broke his pelvis, and collarbone. I was young and he bribed me, and at the end of the day I thought why not spend every other week here. And so the abuse began.
By the time I was 16 I had been to court two times and dealing with domestic relations for years. Finally after the last court appearance I was out of being forced to go over to my father’s house. In fact that was the last time I ever spoke to or saw my father. 6 months later I was completely bedridden with a new mystery illness that forced me to be home schooled. The short and sweet diagnosis of POTS was slapped on me and I carried about my life as a weak fatigued girl.
The years from then until now have shaped me tremendously. When I entered college I had no idea what to expect. After struggling with my mother through her cancer diagnosis, and my step-dad leaving us midway through treatment I was shaken. I was in a long term relationship that was falling apart all around me. And here I was trying to start over at a new school working towards a degree. Once my ex of 5 years left me because I found out he had been cheating on me the entire summer I was nothing. I did not know who I was, what I was, what I was doing. I was lost.
Now speed up to the present: for once in my life I feel whole, I am healing. This year brought second opinions and new diagnosis which have changed my life dramatically. The ongoing struggle seems to be connected. All the symptoms have been brought together. I have started doing things I love again, thrifting, going out on photography trips, even caring about my appearance. These are slow steps, but they are steps in the right direction. Next semester (Fall 2015) I will be student teaching and graduating college. The man in my life now is the support I need. And the direction I’m headed is where I was supposed to end up all along.Through all the pain and struggle I have come out the other end knowing who I truly am, knowing what I want, and how I will get it.
How things stand right now I am dealing with a re-diagnosis of POTS, a new diagnosis of fibromyalgia, on-going chronic migraines, on-going and unresolved stomach issues (gastroparesis mainly) plus all the other weird symptoms that don’t really fall into a diagnosis. On a daily basis I typically feel horrible but I know things are on the upswing. I know if I keep on pushing I have almost reached the end goal, a life of true happiness that I have made for myself.
So you might be asking why am I here? Why am I sharing all of this with you? And the plain and simple reason is because I know by sharing others can feel comfort. Each person has a story, some which want to be told and others that don’t. But at the end of the day it is inside of you and by sharing what you have battled through others can find comfort in knowing they too know the feeling. In this blog I plan on sharing the entire story and every battle I have won. Even in the way future when the war is won my stories will be told because in every story lies hope. I want to share with you, my readers, the everyday struggles I go through but also the days where I do something I never thought possible. Sharing the highs and the lows, and letting everyone know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Along with stories of my past I also want to share what I love to do and give advice to anyone who needs it. Photography has gotten me through a lot of my dark places and I plan on sharing as much as my work as my readers can stand. I am a beyond novice but it is a love that fuels me on days where the pain is too much. I would also love to share my other love of fashion. Since at heart I am extremely frugal I of course love to thrift and think that others might like a tip or two about how I achieve my look. On days when you aren’t feeling so good about yourself, a fun silly day of thrifting might cheer you up. In the past it has for me, so why not share it with my readers!
And on a final note I want this blog to be a space for people to share their own stories and feel safe doing so. I would love for this blog to turn into a community space where people can come to for support, a laugh, some thought provoking questions about saving a dollar, to vent, or whatever anyone needs to get through their current battle. In the end we are all warriors looking to get by.
So here my blog journey begins, feel free to comment or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I hope you enjoy.